Ask for help — it’s hard!
Last week I talked about how you should act when your friends and acquaintances are ill or suffering a loss. If you haven’t read it yet, take a look back — you might learn something.
This week I want to tell you what I’m trying to learn as the person who is ill. I emphasize trying — I’m trying very hard to do as I say, but I find some of it difficult. Some of it is easy for me, some very hard! Here we go:
- Try to be as normal as possible — go to work, go to the grocery, walk the dogs. Normal is good!
- Be open and honest with people. Let them know what’s going on (if you think they want to know).
- Don’t be too gory with your details — TMI for some. But others might want to hear about the real deal so share with those.
- Try your best to remain positive. I believe people will get tired of dealing with a ‘sad sack’ all the time.
- But having said that, if you’re having a really bad day, you’re allowed to show it. You can’t be unrealistically upbeat all the time. This is one of the hard ones for me because my middle name is Pollyanna. I did give in to how I felt one day and it surprised some people.
- And this one is the most difficult for me — don’t be macho about asking for help. Ask for help from your doctors and ask for help from your friends.
This isn’t fun, but I want to be known for handling it well — and for teaching people on both sides of the situation how to get by.
P.S. I’ve had two chemos so far. My first week wasn’t great, but I’m determined this one will be better and that I’ll establish my new normal. And I still have hair for another week or two!
August 15th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Thanks for sharing, Melanie. Lots of valuable lessons in these posts. You’re an inspiration!
August 18th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Melanie …
Just wanted to let you know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers! The information you are sharing is so “on target”. Thank you for continuing to to be open and honest with your thoughts and feelings. I live in AZ so I can’t really offer to drive you anywhere or pick up something from the store for you — but please know that you have a “mental” hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on if needed.
Continued Blessings!
Paula
August 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Melanie,
Thanks so much for sharing your story and information. My husband found out in May that he has terminal cancer and started his chemo recently. This has been devastating to our family. Many days I find it hard to talk about and would rather not (most of the time). I do find great comfort each day in coming to work at Manpower. It really helps to concentrate on my job and not dwell on his illness. My coworkers have been very supportive and keep me focused. We have a rule here?they can only ask about my husband once a week. It works great for me!
My prayers and admiration are with you.
Hugs to you, Wilson and Hannah!
Valerie Crabtree
August 18th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Valerie: I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband. This cancer thing really sucks. I wish you all the best — strength and tranquility.
November 3rd, 2010 at 11:54 am
Ms. Holmes,
Reading your blog it is remarkable to find your capacity to keep your spiritual integrity unaffected by your physical process, and all the wisdom you are able to deliver in profound messages to help others and to improve their conditions based in your own experience!!!!!
Cheers! How great is to be an evolved human being!!!!
Enrique Useche