Last week I talked about how you should act when your friends and acquaintances are ill or suffering a loss.  If you haven’t read it yet, take a look back — you might learn something.

This week I want to tell you what I’m trying to learn as the person who is ill.  I emphasize trying — I’m trying very hard to do as I say, but I find some of it difficult.  Some of it is easy for me,  some very hard!  Here we go:

• Try to be as normal as possible — go to work, go to the grocery, walk the dogs.  Normal is good!
• Be open and honest with people. Let them know what’s going on (if you think they want to know).
• Don’t be too gory with your details — TMI for some.  But others might want to hear about the real deal so share with those.
• Try your best to remain positive.  I believe people will get tired of dealing with a ’sad sack’ all the time.
• But having said that, if you’re having a really bad day, you’re allowed to show it.  You can’t be unrealistically upbeat all the time.  This is one of the hard ones for me because my middle name is Pollyanna.  I did give in to how I felt one day and it surprised some people.
• And this one is the most difficult for me — don’t be macho about asking for help.  Ask for help from your doctors and ask for help from your friends.

This isn’t fun, but I want to be known for handling it well — and for teaching people on both sides of the situation how to get by.

P.S.  I’ve had two chemos so far.  My first week wasn’t great, but I’m determined this one will be better and that I’ll establish my new normal.  And I still have hair for another week or two!

This really has nothing to do with anything, but as I was walking out of our building the other day I was about 20 feet from a door when a kind colleague (I didn’t know, by the way) waited for me and held the door.  My hands weren’t full.  I wasn’t limping.  I was just leaving for the day and she waited an extraordinarily long time to keep the door open for me.

It got me to thinking — is there a universally accepted distance we all use when making that split-second decision to hold the door or not?  Is it five feet?  Ten feet?  Or is it a universally-accepted time delay that our mind uses to decide to hold the door — five seconds, ten seconds?

Whatever — I suggest we all err on the side of more feet or more seconds.  That woman who held the door made my evening and I learned a lesson from her:  I’m never in such a hurry that I can’t invest a few seconds to be kind.

With the economy where it is, many more of us are clipping coupons and taking advantage of deals at restaurants.  Please, please, please — when you get half off your bill or if you get the meal for a certain fixed price — tip your server based on the value of the meal rather than what you paid.

Example:  In Milwaukee we’re in the midst of Downtown Dining Week where $10 buys you a three-course lunch and $20 gets you a three-course dinner.  Even the best, most expensive restaurants in town are participating.  But don’t tip your server on the $10 or $20.  Tip him or her on the prices listed on the menu.  And don’t forget to tip on your drinks, too.

Bon appetit!

I haven’t written about Celebrity Apprentice this season because it has seemed silly and way too personal.  I couldn’t figure out how to learn a lesson from any of the shows — until last night.

I believe Melissa is the quintessential sore loser and it put her in a very unattractive light.  I’m a firm believer that two wrongs don’t make a right so even if she felt she was unfairly ganged up on and fired, she would have been much better off leaving with grace and dignity.  Ranting and raving and cursing and running around won’t get her back into the competition and I doubt it will get her too many more fans. 

Now I’m not defending Annie and her ego, or Brande and her naivete.  But my guess is when Melissa sees this episode, she’ll be embarrassed.  I would be if it were me!

P.S.  Watch her exit interview.  Not sure we were watching the same show!

I follow the Business Basics on Forbes.com.  They recently published a very good piece called What Do You Do When Your Friend Gets Laid Off?  It includes excellent do’s and don’ts that make sense — this is advice we should all remember and use.

The advice doesn’t only apply when someone is laid off.  I believe it’s relevant whenever something bad happens to someone.  Whether they’ve lost a friend or family member, gotten a divorce, been diagnosed with a serious illness, had an accident or lost his or her job, use the Forbes.com advice as well as a few bullets I’ve added (from my own experience):

• Don’t run away from your friend because you’re afraid.
• Do acknowledge the event.
• Don’t use trite sayings such as “things happen for a reason,” even if you firmly believe they do.
• Do offer help.
• Don’t say “everything will be all right” because you can’t guarantee that.
• Do say, “things may be tough, but I have confidence you can handle it.”
• Don’t patronize your friend.
• Do listen.
• And most of all, DO stay in touch.

Bad things happen to people — we can’t avoid it.  But one great way to handle these ‘bumps in the road’ is to have friends you can count on.

Be one of those friends!

Rhymer Rigby wrote in the Financial Times recently about the death of the briefcase in An open and shut case.  Interesting article with some valid points.  The business casual office and the ever-shrinking size of the technology we have to carry makes the traditional black leather briefcase a thing of the past.

Please read the article.  Is it just me, or have women been entirely omitted from this particular discussion?  Lots of talk of man-bags, but no mention of the savvy business woman who knows to buy a purse large enough to hold whatever technology she needs to climb the corporate ladder.

It’s my opinion that when it comes to briefcases, women finally have the advantage!

I tore out a small article from The Week a while back and I just ran across it on my desk.  I tried to link to it, but couldn’t (because it was from June 20, 2008)  so I hope I’m giving enough credit to Thomas Vinciguerra.  Thomas says that according to a Gallup Poll, only 6% of men now wear ties to work every day.  In the U.S., sales of ties plunged to $677.7 million in 2008 — down from a high of $1.3 billion in 1995.

This trend saddens Thomas and it saddens me, as well.  I like to see a man in a nice, colorful tie.  As I watch President Obama on television, his tie is the first thing I notice.  And, I’ll also admit that it makes me happy when my colleagues wear ties – particularly when it isn’t a special occasion.  I even like a man in a bow tie!

I believe there is a parallel trend for women — hosiery.  Call me old-fashioned, but I’d no more wear a skirt without stockings than I’d show up  to work in flip-flops.  And you should all be happy I don’t go hose-less — my legs are extremely white!

While it might not be fair, both men and women are judged by the way we dress and the way we are groomed.  If you’re serious about your career, consider being old-fashioned.  Wear a tie if you’re a man or hose if you’re a woman.

I was waiting to board an airplane last Friday and was horrified by the behavior of my fellow passengers.  First, no one will get to our final destination faster than anyone else.  So, your rude rush to be the first one on the plane won’t really give you any advantage.

My gripe — able bodied people were pushing their way in front of a young couple grappling with twins.  The airlines rightly give people who are traveling with small children a bit of an advantage — they get to board early.  But business travelers were pushing their way in front of this struggling couple.

Be polite.  Be generous.  Be aware of others’ struggles.  And wait your turn!!

You’ve heard me say it before — it may not be fair, but we are judged by what we wear and how we are groomed.  My favorite publication, DiversityInc.com, has hit the proverbial nail on the head with their article What Not to Wear to an Interview.

The ten things not to wear (or take) to an interview are ‘right on.’  Read the list carefully.  If you take your interview seriously, take this list seriously as well.

And I’d argue that what we wear to work could be improved by following this advice.  My particular favorites for the workplace are:

• Short skirts / tight suit
• Evening- or casual- wear
• Fancy nails
• Excessive make-up
• Heavy cologne or perfume

Anything to add?

I love DiversityInc.com.  It’s always full of good, interesting and very useful advice.  This time it’s about your wardrobe — How to Dress Like a CEO.

It may not be fair, but we are judged by our grooming and the way we dress.  And be honest, we all judge as well.  So read the article and take the advice — no matter what your career aspirations are.

• Dress for the job you want — not necessarily the one you currently have. 
• Don’t under-do.
• And don’t over-do.

And read the article — those five tips will serve you well!