I read a small piece in a recent issue of The Week about an effort in Minnesota to convince high school students to stop wearing so much perfume.  The primary reason is because all of that scent is aggravating kids with asthma — and I can understand that.

I will argue that asthma or not, it is very unpleasant to be near someone who is wearing so much perfume that it stings your nose and makes your eyes water.  And how about when you get into a car or sit next to someone on a train or plane who has overdone it?  You’re trapped!

If you wear perfume, ask a friend to give you an honest answer to the question whether or not you’ve poured in on a bit too strong.  In the case of perfume, less is definitely more!

It’s part of our every day lives.  We ‘talk’ to it several times a day.  It can be a tremendous help and it can make us crazy.  I’m talking about voice-mail.

There was a good article on the Microsoft Small Business Center recently called 10 tips for effective voice-mail messages.  I agree with everything Jeff Wuorio wrote but I’d like to highlight a few of my pet peeves:

• He asks us not to repeat what the system already knows.  It makes me crazy when the caller takes up valuable time telling me the date and time he or she called.  The vast majority of voice-mail systems give you that information each time you call in for a message.
• Jeff also advises us when preparing our outgoing messages to ‘use humor and offbeat material with caution.’  I would strengthen that advice from ‘use it with caution’ to ‘don’t use it at all!’  Whether it is a business call or calling someone at home, I’m not really interested in listening to music, hearing poems or trying to interpret your baby’s gurgling.

 Now I’ll add a few of my own:

• Say your name, title and company clearly.  I hate it when I have to listen to a message over and over to understand who called.
• State your phone number slowly and clearly.  How many times have you had to listen to a message a second time to get the number right?

I don’t think we could live without voice-mail at this point — we’ve all been spoiled.  But I think we can make the experience better and more efficient by following Jeff Wuorio’s and my humble advice.

Here’s a loaded question?  Is it ever appropriate to ask a woman if she’s pregnant?

I say “no, no, 1000 times no!”  First, it’s none of your business.  And second, if she’s not you’ve just called her fat.

Be patient.  If she is, you’ll find out soon enough.

Is there a correct answer to this conundrum?

You’re sick… sneezing, blowing, coughing — you know the drill.  You’d like nothing better than to spend the day in bed watching day-time TV, but you’ve got important stuff to do at work.  Should you:

• Stay home, rest and get well soon?
• Go to work, be a martyr and infect everyone else?

The answer for your individual situation might depend on your boss or your company culture.  But think carefully about whether or not demonstrating your never-ending loyalty by coming in sick makes up for infecting your co-workers.

But what do you think?

A good friend and colleague just got back from a VERY frustrating meeting.  It wasn’t the subject matter that frustrated her.  Rather it was the behavior of the attendees and the person who called the meeting that made her crazy.  Here’s why:

• People in the meeting were constantly looking at their blackberries — rather than paying attention.
• Several brought their laptops to catch up on email while pretending to be engaged in the meeting subject matter.
• A few cell phones rang (perhaps I need to post a lesson on turning phones off, or at least setting them on vibrate!).
• The presenter didn’t know how to set up his PC to project his slides on the screen, so time was wasted getting the meeting started.
• Then, the presenter forgot his power cord, so his PC went dead in mid-meeting.

Our lives are busy and you could consider our time very precious.  Don’t waste it with poor meeting planning and even worse meeting etiquette.

In another helpful DiversityInc.com piece, email is the subject.  I love the title:  R Yr Biznes E-mails Hrting Yr Career?

If offers some terrific tips on email at work — including:

• Keep it short
• Adhere to your corporate culture
• Avoid religious references
• Always proofread

Can’t argue with any of those!  But let’s add two more:

• Do not REPLY TO ALL when your answer has no relevance to anyone on the distribution list.
• Avoid shortening words and using confusing letters for phrases — like BTW, AAF, LMK.  Not everyone understands them.

Do you have more email etiquette tips?

We talked a few days ago about how meetings would be better if the people calling them did a few simple things.  Well, the ‘caller’ isn’t the only one with responsibility for a good meeting.  If you’re a ‘callee:’

• Show up on time.
• Come back from breaks promptly.
• Turn off your cell phone — even a vibrating blackberry can be very distracting.
• Do your homework — if there is pre-reading, have it completed.
• Come armed with questions.
• If you want to criticize an idea or what is being discussed, make it constructive criticism.
• Be respectful and honest.
• And don’t take anything personally — this is business.
• Finally — one of my pet peeves — avoid those side-bar conversations.  They are rude and disruptive.  If you have something to say, say it to the whole meeting.

Like them or not, meetings are a fact of life.  If we all were a bit more thoughtful about our behavior in meetings, the time would be better spent.

I have a ‘novel’ idea that will set you apart from the rest — in this competitive world of work.  Write a thank-you note!  With a pen.  On stationery.  Using your own words.  And send it using a bona fide stamp.

We’re all in a hurry and our busy lives leave very little time for what you might think is an extravagance.  But when a thank you is appropriate, for…

• an interview
• a referral
• a favor
• a meal
• a gift, or
• whatever

…invest a bit of your precious time to write that personal, sincere note.  You’ll be noticed and it will pay off!

These things make me crazy:

1. Men who shake women’s hands like a limp fish.  Men take note:  women do not need a finger-tip shake – we want a firm palm-to-palm shake just like you do.
2. People who call me on their speakerphone when it’s a one-on-one conversation.  I totally get the fabulous convenience of speakerphones when groups are talking.  But when you call me to talk, please pick up the receiver.  If you don’t, you sound pretentious and I’m insulted.
3. People who finish my sentences for me.  You can’t read my mind and when you interrupt, you appear inconsiderate and impatient.

What are your top three pet peeves?

When I was growing up (in the 50′s) it was unusual for a woman to shake hands.  I rarely saw women get up when a guest walked into a room or joined a table.  And women actually enjoyed and appreciated having doors opened and chairs pulled out for them.

Things have changed! 

Gender makes little difference anymore.  Everyone shakes hands.  Everyone should stand when a guest enters a room or joins a table.  And while I still enjoy having doors opened and chairs positioned for me, it is not the norm.  I counted today and it was 50/50.  I held doors for men half the time and men held doors for me the other half.  And no matter who you are, please don’t forget to say “thank you.”

What else has equalized in the etiquette arena?