Daily Dose of Dumb
Among the many undeniably valuable contributions that lawyers make to society, here’s one you almost never hear people talk about:
LAWYERS SAVE LIVES
That’s right. We save lives every day — probably more than all the doctors and nurses on the planet combined. We’re just too modest to toot our own horn.
How? Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a world without . . . WARNING LABELS.
It was horrible, wasn’t it? People poking their eyes out, crashing into each other, setting themselves on fire, blowing things up. All of these potential disasters are averted every day by humble lawyers cramming big words onto tiny labels that no one will ever read.
So, without further ado, here’s the second in our series of . . .
GREATEST HITS OF LAWYER-DRAFTED WARNING LABELS
- Collapsible baby stroller: Remove child before folding
- CD player: Do not use as a projectile in a catapult
- Fireplace log: Caution — risk of fire
- Toilet bowl brush: Do not use orally
- Wheelbarrow: Not for highway use
- Fuel tank cap: Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level
- Mattress: Do not attempt to swallow
I rest my case. Stay tuned for more.
(Thanks to the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (mlaw.org), Dumb Network (dumbwarnings.com) and Unusually Stupid Americans by Kathryn and Ross Petras)
