Last night was the much-anticipated season premiere of NBC’s The Office.  After seeing it, I’m even more convinced that it is the world’s #1 employment law training aid.  All you have to do is (1) watch it and (2) do the exact opposite of everything you see.

Last night’s episode was entitled “Weight Loss.”  Here’s the plot:  Concerned with rising health care costs, Dunder Mifflin’s HR Department creates a contest in which the branch that loses the most weight will be rewarded with five extra vacation days.

Without further ado, here’s what I would tell the company after my first day in “The Office”:

CEO:  Hello, Mark.  How was your first day?

Me:  Great.  We need to fire everyone in the Scranton branch and close it down immediately.

CEO:  No can do.  I know that Michael Scott’s an idiot, but he makes us lots of money.  I love money.  Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

Me:  I’m glad you asked.  Here’s a detailed memo describing the 147 legal violations I observed in one hour.

I then hand him a document containing the following . . .

1. Issue:  Sexual Harassment
   Description:  Seemingly everyone in the office is romantically involved with a co-worker.  Regional Manager Michael Scott openly discussed his romantic feelings toward his newly hired HR person, made several lewd comments about her body and handed another employee a condom.  Assistant Regional Manager Dwight Schrute is having an affair — replete with sexual encounters on company property — with a subordinate employee who is engaged to another employee.  Virtually every other employee engaged in sexual banter and conduct, including hugging, kissing and fondling.
   Risk:  $$$$$
2. Issue:  Disability Discrimination. 
   Description:  Holly, the office HR rep, made public comments regarding her perception that Kevin, an accountant, is “mentally challenged.”  Others referred to him as “idiot” and “dummy” without rebuke.  Even though Holly is mistaken in her perception, the law forbids discrimination based on “perceived disabilities.” 
   Risk:  $$$$$
3. Issue:  Health & Safety
   Description:  Mr. Schrute sprayed insect repellent on food at an employee gathering.  Mr. Scott encouraged employees to engage in dangerous “cleanse” diets, resulting in fainting and other health concerns.  One employee swallowed a tape worm to help win the contest.  Mr. Schrute ordered three heavy-set employees to “get liposuction.”  He deceived one employee to get into his car and then dropped her off miles away from the office to “force her to exercise.”  In addition, a company-sponsored yoga class held on company property could result in injury and liability.  Legal Risk:  $$$$
4. Issue:  Sexual Orientation/Gender Discrimination. 
   Description:  The HR rep joked about being a “lesbian” and made other inappropriate comments, offending a gay colleague.  Some states forbid sexual orientation discrimination and others could consider the conduct to constitute gender discrimination because it arguably was sex-based.
   Risk:  $$$
5. Issue:  Comments About Appearance; Obesity Discrimination
   Description:  Mr. Scott wore a “fat suit” in the office and made multiple derogatory comments about employees’ bodies.  Other employees made similar comments.  While obesity discrimination is recognized in very few states, such comments could lead to emotional distress claims and/or gender and other claims if made discriminatorily.
   Risk:  $$$
6. Issue:  Copyright Violation
   Description:  A Dolly Parton song was played during a party.  Besides exposing employees to potential nausea and/or emotional distress it could also lead to a copyright violation if the company did not obtain a license beforehand.
   Risk:  $$
7. Issue:  Re-hiring Terminated Employee
   Description:  One employee who was recently terminated (and incarcerated) for embezzlement and drug use was re-hired.  Another recently terminated employee was allowed on the premises and given a pedicure by Mr. Scott.
   Risk:  $$$
8. Issue:  Personal Use of Company Property
   Description:  Employees were allowed to use company computers for personal instant messaging and other non-company purposes during work hours, which could imperil the company’s no-solicitation and computer usage policies and expose the company’s IT system to viruses.
   Risk:  $$
9. Issue:  Overall Disdain for HR
   Description:  Mr. Scott and others displayed open hostility toward HR and company policies on multiple occasions, including one instance in which Mr. Scott interrupted training by the HR rep on the company’s “safe eating” policy to conduct his own obscenity-laced “training.” 
   Risk:  $$$

My conversation with my boss then continues . . .

Me:  At the very least, we need to discuss re-issuing company policies, conducting training, initiating corrective action . . .

CEO:  (Interrupts)  Nah, not right now.  I’m going golfing.

Join us next week for our lawyerly look at Episode #2, entitled “Business Ethics.”  I’m almost afraid to watch.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 26th, 2008 at 6:40 am and is filed under Dumb But Fun Posts, Office, The. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.