We’ve received some rather interesting new additions to our Worst Interview Ever list.  Here are the three most recent entries.  The full list can be found here.

• A candidate requested water during an interview.  The interviewer discovered that he was out of cups and excused himself to get some more.  While the interviewer was gone, the candidate showed that he was a self-starter by fishing through the interviewer’s garbage can and finding a cup on his own.  The interviewer returned to find the candidate happily sipping out of a up with a giant lipstick smear across it.
• An HR manager informed a candidate that he had to take a drug test.  She handed him a cup and pointed him toward the bathroom.  The candidate returned a few minutes later with a cup full of poop.  Flustered, the manager gave him another cup and instructed him to pee into it.  The candidate indicated that he understood and went back to the bathroom.  A few minutes later he returned and handed the manager a second cup of poop.  Despite his efforts, he didn’t get the job.
• An HR manager interviewed the niece of a VP as a favor.  She was instructed to ”just interview her and see if we can stick her somewhere.”  The candidate showed up dressed inappropriately and spent the entire interview cleaning out her purse, barely acknowledging the interviewer’s existence.  When the interview finally concluded, the manager stood to shake the candidate’s hand.  The candidate responded by shoving all the trash she had cleaned out of her purse into the manager’s open hand, asking, ”Would you mind throwing this away for me?”  Despite the HR manager’s less-than-glowing review, the candidate was awarded a position in Marketing.

If you have a “worst interview ever” story that you’d like to share, just click on the button at the upper left of the Blawg. 

Thanks for your participation!

As part of our ongoing commitment to providing the finest in employment law education, we’re counting down our Top Ten Wackiest Employment Law Cases.

Here’s Case #3 . . .

Diary of a Slacker

An Iowa judge denied unemployment benefits to a hotel employee who was fired for keeping a journal that described her truly impressive efforts to avoid work.

Emmalee Bauer, sales coordinator for the Des Moines Sheraton, made the following entries in a 300-page journal she kept on her work computer:

• I am going to be typing all my thoughts instead of writing all day.  That way, there isn’t any way to tell for sure if I am working really hard or I am just goofing off. 
• This typing thing seems to be doing the trick.  It looks like I’m hard at work on something very important.
• I am going to sit right her and play Elf Bowling or some other nonsense.  Once lunch is over, I will come right back to writing to piddle away the rest of the afternoon.
• I just have to get through the next seven hours and forty-six minutes and then I will be free.
• I don’t feel like doing a single worthwhile thing today.  It’s 11:00 and so far I have stuck to that.
• It’s noon already and I don’t feel like I have accomplished a [expletive deleted] thing.  Accomplishment is overrated, anyway.
• I have managed to waste half of the day doing nothing constructive.  That isn’t exactly an easy task, either.
• I have an hour of time that needs to be wasted — I mean “spent wisely.”  I know that’s a crock.  I am only here for the money and, lately, for the printer access.
• I haven’t really accomplished anything in a long while . . . and I am still getting paid more than I have ever had before.  It’s actually quite nice when I think of it that way.  I can shop online, play games and read message boards and still get paid for it.

Not too shockingly, the judge concluded that Bauer’s writings evidenced a refusal to work and “amusement at getting away with it.”

Bauer reportedly is seeking a publisher for her journal so that she can share her work tips with the rest of the world.

(Sources:  Des Moines Register, cbsnews.com)

We recently introduced a brand-new feature:  the world’s first interactive HR-themed online novel, entitled Bob Sits in His Cube (And Other Exciting Adventures).

Click here or on the button at the upper left corner to view the first installment.  At the end of that section, we offer you a chance to help make literary history by telling us what happens next.

I’m happy to report that we’ve already received several intriguing suggestions.  Here are some of the more creative ones:

• Edna is a member of the infamous radically violent nudist colony Snow Bunnies for Peace.  I propose that [inappropriately graphic content deleted].
• As Bob sits down in Edna’s office to fire her, Edna messily devours him.  The rest of the novel chronicles Bob’s perilous escape from the depths of Edna’s intestinal labyrinth.
• After Bob fires her, Edna starts crying but they are tears of joy — she has been planning for retirement and now with her extensive stock options and well funded 401(k) she can retire and travel the world and won’t have to deal with the impending harassment case of the CEO, etc., etc.

If you have a suggestion, please submit it to blawg@manpower.com by the end of the day Friday.  We’ll take ‘em all into consideration as we write the next chapter.

Thanks for your participation!

Mark

Our dumb law tour of the U.S. brings us to Indiana, where:

• employees who perform ”puppet shows, wire dancing or tumbling acts” in the workplace could subject the company to a $3 fine under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices
• barbers are prohibited from threatening to cut off kids’ ears
• employees may not be required to dye, stain or otherwise alter the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit
• bathing is prohibited in Winter
• mustaches are illegal if the wearer “habitually kisses other humans”
• monkeys are banned from smoking in the workplace

You have been warned.

(Thanks to dumblaws.com and crazylaws.com)

Tomorrow, after a long hiatus due to the writers’ strike, NBC’s The Office is back on the air. 

In my humble opinion, The Office is the single greatest HR and employment law training aid in the history of mankind.  All you have to do is (1) watch it and (2) do the exact opposite of what everyone on the show does.

In honor of this occasion, the following is a “greatest hits” of lessons learned from past episodes:

• Workplace Romance Can Lead to Disaster.  Virtually every character on the show has been romantically linked to one of their fellow employees.  And virtually every time disaster results.  We asked our readers for their opinions on office romance — click here to see the results.
• Love Contracts:  Good or Bad?  On a similar note, one episode prominently featured a “love contract” between Michael Scott, the office boss, and his superior, Jan.  That episode sparked a national debate on the issue.  Click here to see what our readers (and I) had to say about this topic.
• Don’t Let Managers Create Their Own Training.  Michael reacts to virtually every crisis by calling everyone into a conference room and creating his own (usually disastrous) brand of training right there on the spot.  The worst example was his homemade diversity training, which still has me cringing.  Click here for a discussion of the right way to approach diversity training.
• Booze and Work Don’t Mix.  Several episodes feature Michael intentionally “liquoring up” his employees.  The most infamous was an episode in which Michael hosted a “Booze Cruise.”  Our suggestion:  If you’re going to serve liquor at a company function, ensure that you have a way to limit consumption (e.g., drink coupons).  And, whatever you do, make sure you keep all drunken employees (especially the boss) away from any microphones.
• Think Long and Hard Before Letting Employees Blog.  Creed, an employee who says something inappropriate in every sentence, has his own company-sponsored blog.  Our suggestion:  if you’re going to allow companies to blog on the company’s behalf, make sure you have clear guidelines that are consistently enforced.  If not, you run the risk of someone like myself running amok, making stupid videos, telling bad lawyer jokes, etc.

The new special hour-long episode airs tomorrow at 9:00 p.m. Eastern.  Enjoy! 

Among the many undeniably valuable contributions that lawyers make to society, here’s one you almost never hear people talk about: 

LAWYERS SAVE LIVES

That’s right.  We save lives every day — probably more than all the doctors and nurses on the planet combined.  We’re just too modest to toot our own horn.

How?  Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a world without . . . WARNING LABELS. 

It was horrible, wasn’t it?  People poking their eyes out, crashing into each other, setting themselves on fire, blowing things up.  All of these potential disasters are averted every day by humble lawyers cramming big words onto tiny labels that no one will ever read.

So, without further ado, here’s the second in our series of . . .

GREATEST HITS OF LAWYER-DRAFTED WARNING LABELS

• Collapsible baby stroller:  Remove child before folding
• CD player:  Do not use as a projectile in a catapult
• Fireplace log:  Caution — risk of fire
• Toilet bowl brush:  Do not use orally
• Wheelbarrow:  Not for highway use
• Fuel tank cap:  Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level
• Mattress:  Do not attempt to swallow

I rest my case.  Stay tuned for more.

(Thanks to the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (mlaw.org), Dumb Network (dumbwarnings.com) and Unusually Stupid Americans by Kathryn and Ross Petras)

Now that April Fools’ Day is behind us, here’s a handy guide to ensure that you’re up-to-date on everything else your employees might be celebrating the rest of this month:

Month-long Celebrations

• Fresh Florida Tomatoes Month
• National Decorating Month
• National Humor Month
• National Poetry Month
• Workplace Conflict Awareness Month

 Weekly Celebrations

• Laugh at Work Week (1-7)
• Golden Rule Week (1-7)
• Explore Your Career Options Week (7-11)
• Administrative Professionals Week (20-26)
• Cowboy Poetry Week (20-26)
• National Karaoke Week (20-26)
• Sky Awareness Week (20-26)
• National Dance Week (25-30)

Daily Observances

• Kick Butts Day (2)
• Mule Day (3)
• Pony Express Day (3)
• World Rat Day (4)
• No Housework Day (7)
• National Cherish An Antique Day (9)
• National Sibling Day (10)
• Barbershop Quartet Day (11)
• International “Louie Louie” Day (11)
• International Plant Appreciation Day (13)
• Take a Wild Guess Day (15)
• That Sucks Day (15)
• International Moment of Laughter Day (16)
• National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day (16)
• Blah! Blah! Blah! Day (17)
• High Five Day (17)
• Pet Owners Independence Day (18)
• Husband Appreciation Day (19)
• Auctioneers Day (19)
• National Hanging Out Day (19)
• World Cow Chip Day (19)
• National Chocolate-covered Cashews Day (21)
• National Jelly Bean Day (22)
• Administrative Professionals Day (23)
• Red Hat Society Day (25)
• Hug an Australian Day (26)
• Bulldogs are Beautiful Day (28)
• Cubicle Day (28)
• National Hairball Awareness Day (29)
• Sense of Smell Day (29)
• National Dance Day (29)
• Hairstylists Appreciation Day (30)

What this means for employers.  If your employees suddenly start growing tomatoes, flinging cow chips, hugging Australians, reciting cowboy rhymes, wearing pajamas and red hats, guzzling jelly beans and cashews, hanging out with auctioneers, appreciating plants, antiques, the sky and hairballs, laughing uncontrollably or muttering ”that sucks” or “blah blah blah” every time you try to assign them work, singing badly, dancing worse and/or bringing mules, ponies, rats, bulldogs, spouses, siblings and hairstylists to work, now you know why.

Enjoy the month!

(For an even more exhaustive list of April celebrations, visit brownielocks.com.)

California has passed a new law that requires employers to provide 52 weeks of paid leave to all employees.

The All Leave Act of 2008 (SB-401) cleared its final hurdle yesterday when, as expected, it passed the Assembly by a wide 65-12 margin.

“This is a great day for all Californians,” said bill co-sponsor David Lirpa (D-San Jose).  “This law represents an historic bipartisan effort by both sides of the aisle to ease the burden on this great state’s workers,” added the bill’s other sponsor, Barbara Loof (R-Palo Alto).

“I would consider a veto,” said California Governor Schwarzenegger as he stepped onto a plane bound for the Cayman Islands.  “But, technically, as an employee of the state, I can’t — I’m required to be on leave every day for the rest of my term.”

The new law is effective today, April 1.

WARNING:  As most of our readers suspected, the above post was a fake, in honor of April Fools’ Day.  Congratulations to the vigilant readers who recognized that the surnames in the post were backwards-spelled tip-offs (”Lirpa” = April, ”Loof” = Fool).

This month, employers all over the world are celebrating what would have been Mr. Rogers’ 80th birthday by encouraging employees to wear a sweater to work and to be kind to their neighbors.

In honor of this auspicious occasion and in recognition of Mr. Rogers as one of the world’s truly great leaders, we created the following video for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy!

As part of our ongoing commitment to providing the finest in employment law education, we’re counting down our Top Ten Wackiest Employment Law Cases.

Here’s Case #4 . . .

What would you say to your CEO if he was being sued for sexual harassment and if (1) he routinely conducted meetings wearing only his underwear, (2) his office prominently featured photographs of naked women, (3) he insisted on granting interviews to the press in which he would proudly display the nude photographs and — allegedly — engage in sex acts in front of the interviewer, (4)  he personally appeared in ads for the company, proudly displaying his naked backside, (5) he openly dated a number of subordinates and (6) this was not his first, or his second, or his third sexual harassment lawsuit, but his fourth?

Would you say, “Yeah, boss, let’s fight this thing”?

Well, apparently, that’s exactly what a company called American Apparel did.  The case was headed for trial earlier this year but has now been detoured to arbitration. 

Stay tuned to see how it turns out.