Every time we conduct a poll to see what information our readers want the most, the #1 answer is always terminations.  We designed the webinar with your needs in mind.  Here’s what you’ll get:

• up-to-the-minute info on the latest legal developments related to employee discipline and termination;
• answers to the world’s toughest discipline/termination questions;
• tips and techniques based on real-life examples; and
• handy checklists and other practical tools to help make your terminations as painless and legally defensible as possible.

The webinar is May 28 from 11:00 to noon Central Time.  To register, click here.  If you have discipline/termination questions you’d like us to address during the webinar, please send ‘em to blawg@manpower.com.

Our last webinar had approximately 1,000 participants.  We’re shooting for 28 million on this one.  Hope you can join us!

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The article discusses love contracts at length and offers some expert legal opinions suggesting they’re a good idea.  When we asked our readers what they think, we got an even 50-50 split for and against.  But virtually everyone who offered a comment on the topic was dead set against ‘em.

To sum up my feelings on this issue, here’s the quote from the Newsweek article:

Consensual relationship agreements are just another case of “overlawyering,” says Mark Toth, the chief legal officer for Manpower North America, an outplacement and employment services company based in Milwaukee. “It forces [employers] to become the love police, consistently enforcing who’s dating whom,” Toth says. And he’s not sure if such contracts will necessarily protect companies from litigation. A subordinate signing a love contract might claim that he or she signed under duress or that harassment began after the contract was signed.

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Here’s this week’s question:

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• it is unlawful to stab or otherwise maim yourself to gain sympathy from your boss and/or to avoid work
• boogers may not be flicked into the wind
• male employees may not “howl” at female employees, spit in front of them nor attempt to seduce them ”by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage”
• bear wrestling in the workplace is strictly forbidden
• employees may not show up for work in a “substantially nude state”

You have been warned.

(Thanks to the most excellent legal research sites dumb.com, dumblaws.com and crazylaws.com.)

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Earlier today, the Blawg received a personal message from Dr. Chris Kammer (click the link and scroll down to the “Comments” Section), creator of Root Canal Appreciation Day.  He says he created the day to “try and hit a home run for the image of the much maligned root canal that has no voice of its own but saves 37 million teeth every year.”  As the proud owner of two root canals myself, I heartily echo Dr. Kammer’s sentiments and encourage all of you to visit your local dentist this afternoon and undergo the procedure to show your support.

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Here’s last week’s question, along with your responses:

I want to spice up a PowerPoint presentation.  Which of the following are OK legally?

a.  Kicking off the presentation by playing BTO’s Takin’ Care of Business from my iTunes playlist (0%)
b.  Embedding a YouTube video of the SNL “more cowbell” skit to illustrate effective teamwork (0%)
c.  Inserting a photo of Donald Trump into a section about how not to fire employees (6%)
d.  Showing the opening sequence of my Office Space DVD to demonstrate the advantages of telecommuting (0%)
e.  Passing out copies of a Harvard Business Review article on business ethics, including respecting copyright laws (4%)
f.   Linking to one of the deeply inspirational videos on the Blawg (19%)
g.  All of the above (40%)
h.  None of the above (32%)

The correct answer is “f.”  All the other choices could land you in legal hot water.

Copyright is one of the most misunderstood (and frequently violated) areas of the law.  That is especially true as technology continues to morph and the law tries to play catch-up. 

The basic principle is pretty simple:  If you own it, you can use it.  If you don’t, you can’t (unless you pay for it).

While some of the items may be somewhat debatable, the advice we generally get from our technology law gurus is that the only semi-safe choice among the above is linking.  That is particularly true if the site owner clearly owns the rights to the material and encourages linking.  That’s why “f” is the right choice.  (In fact, I’ll go on record right now as saying that you have my permission to link to any of the deeply inspirational and potentially life-changing videos on this site.)

Generally, to use the other items, you’d have to have the copyright owners’ permission.  The problem with that is that (a) it’s a time-consuming pain and (b) expensive.  For example, to get the rights to show an SNL skit, you have to obtain a license from the show’s owners, the individual actors and others.  The cost can be upwards of $5,000.

Some companies opt to obtain general music licenses to allow them to pay music are workplace gatherings.  Click here or here if you’re interested in exploring that option.

The Bottom Line?  Get permission or get creative.

Our readers are now batting a somewhat respectable .462 (12 right, 14 wrong) on our Questions of the Week.  The next one will be coming your way soon.

Thanks for your participation!

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Thanks to a landmark case in Indiana, you may soon start seeing lawsuits that attempt to expand traditional Title VII harassment claims to include workplace bullying.

The Facts

Joseph Doescher, a former employee at St. Francis Hospital in Beech Grove, Indiana, filed a lawsuit accusing his employer of ”workplace bullying.”  Specifically, he alleged that Daniel Raess, the hospital’s chief heart surgeon, subjected him to screaming, swearing, threats and other abusive behavior, leading to depression and ultimately forcing him to quit his job.

One incident occurred when Doescher requested time off to attend his uncle’s funeral.  Raess allegedly responded by saying:  ”You’re not going anywhere.  You’re staying here.”

Doescher says his complaints about Raess’ behavior only made Raess angrier and more abusive.  Doescher says the bullying continued up until a final confrontation in which Raess lunged and screamed at him and then stormed out of the room, yelling:  “You’re finished – you’re history!”  Doescher claims that this final incident triggered severe depression that eventually forced him to resign.

In support of his claims, Doescher introduced expert testimony by Gary Namie, Research Director for the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute.  Namie characterized the confrontation as an “episode of workplace bullying” and Raess as a “workplace abuser.”

The hospital didn’t deny that Raess occasionally yelled at employees.  But it claimed that Doescher was equally at fault for the alleged confrontation and that workplace bullying is not a recognized cause of action.

The Ruling

The jury sided with Doescher, awarding him $325,000 in lost wages but denying his demand for punitive damages.  The hospital appealed on the grounds that the trial court erred by allowing Namie’s opinions and by refusing to instruct the jury that workplace bullying is not an actionable claim.

The appeals court overturned the verdict.  Doescher then appealed to the Indiana Supreme Court.  The Supreme Court reversed the court of appeals’ ruling and reinstated the jury verdict in favor of Doescher.

The Lessons

According to a study by Namie’s institute:

• 37% of U.S. employees – an estimated 54 million people — have been bullied at work
• 72% of bullies are bosses
• 45% of bullying victims suffer stress that affects their health, with 33% suffering for more than a year
• 40% of bullying victims never complain and only 3% file lawsuits
• bullying is 4 times more common than unlawful forms of harassment

Given the court’s ruling and the above statistics, it’s more important than ever for employers to take proactive steps to prevent workplace bullying.  Whether or not other courts follow the Indiana Supreme Court’s lead, bullying or abusive behavior left unchecked can have significantly negative effects on morale, productivity and retention.

Employer handbooks should include a specific provision on proper workplace conduct and that provision should be consistently enforced.  Consider coaching and counseling for those who violate the policy and discipline up to termination for egregious or repeated violations.

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Click here for the video.  Here’s a transcript of the actual exchange:

McCain:  Listen, I know you’ve been wondering who my vice presidential candidate is going to be.

Jon Stewart:  Let’s hear it.

McCain:  I’ve got it written down.  You ready?

Stewart:  Uh-huh.

McCain:  You heard it here first.

Stewart:  All right.

McCain:  Dwight Schrute.

(Audience erupts with wild applause.)

Just in case McCain wasn’t kidding (and we’re not 100% sure he was), we thought we’d put together a handy guide to Schrute’s views on key HR issues to help educate our readers:

On workplace decision-making:  Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.

On health care:  In the wild, there is no health care.  In the wild, health care is, “Ow, I hurt my leg.  I can’t run.  A lion eats me and I’m dead.”

On how to motivate new employees:  I am going to be your new boss.  Welcome to the Hotel Hell.  Check-in time is now.  Check-out time is never.

On how to conduct an investigation:  There are several ways to tell if a perp is lying.  The liar will avoid direct eye contact.  The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand, especially the mouth.  The liar will perspire.  Unfortunately, I spoke to [the alleged perp] on the phone so none of this is useful.

On the critical issue of whether to tip a delivery person who brings sandwiches to the workplace:  Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself?  I can deliver food.  I can drive a taxi.  I can, and do, cut my own hair.  I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

So, what kind of VP would Schrute make?  Here is Schrute’s own description of his tenure as #2 in The Office:  I have been Michael’s number-two guy for about 5 years.  And we make a great team.  We’re like one of those classic famous teams.  He’s like Mozart and I’m like . . . Mozart’s friend.  No.  I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like . . . Mozart.  You try and hurt Mozart?  You’re gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

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Here’s Case #2 . . .

Dilbert and the Drunken Lemurs

In a case of art imitating life imitating art, a judge ruled in favor of an employee who was fired after posting a Dilbert cartoon likening managers to “drunken lemurs.”

The Catfish Bend Casino in Burlington, Iowa fired David Steward for posting the cartoon on an office bulletin board shortly after management announced that the casino would be closing and laying off 170 employees.  “Basically,” HR Director Steve Morley testified, “he was accusing the decision-makers of being drunken lemurs.”  “We consider that misconduct when you insult your employer.”

The cartoon depicted the following conversation between Dilbert and a friend:

Dilbert:  Why does it seem as if most of the decisions in my workplace are made by drunken lemurs?

Friend:  Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

Dilbert:  Why are talented people so busy?

Friend:  They’re fixing the problems made by people who have time.

Steward testified that he posted the cartoon because he “thought maybe it would cheer some people up.”  However, it elicited the opposite reaction from management and he was fired three days later for “not being a team player.”

Administrative Law Judge Lynette Donner ruled in favor of Steward, calling his actions a “good-faith error in judgment” rather than intentional misconduct.

Even Dilbert creator Scott Adams weighed in on the decision.  “Most ‘Dilbert’ comics dont’ come right out and call management a bunch of drunken lemurs,” Adams said.  “So I can see how this one might have been a tad over the line.” 

The “art imitating life imitating art” part came shortly thereafter when a series of Dilbert strips lampooned the case.  One strip featured the following exchange:

Boss:  Our surveillance cameras caught you posting this anti-management comic on the wall.  The comic compares managers to drunken lemurs.  Do you think drunken lemurs are like managers.

Wally:  No.  Some lemurs can hold their liquor.

Another one took it a step further:

Catbert:  Wally, I have to fire you for posting a comic comparing managers to drunken lemurs.  You won’t be eligible for unemployment benefits unless you can prove you were stupid as opposed to malicious.  Can you prove you’re stupid?

Wally:  Is there another explanation for working here?

For the entire series of strips, click on the Dilbert icon to the left and scroll back to February 21.

Completely Irrelevant Bonus Information

We conducted a poll to see how our readers felt about the decision.  77% agreed with the judge, 16% disagreed and 7% responded:  What’s a lemur? 

For the benefit of the latter group, Webster’s defines a lemur as: 

any of various arboreal chiefly nocturnal prosimian primates (superfamily Lemuroidea) that were formerly widespread but are now largely confined to Madagascar and that usually have a longish muzzle, large eyes, very soft woolly fur, and a long furry tail.

And, apparently, they can hold their liquor.  Click here for a picture.

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